Tuesday, 11 September 2012

This isn't goodbye...

Hello Friends

This is London making contact after a long bout of radio silence. For that I am sorry.

This post is difficult for me to write because it is sad, and I have been putting it off for quite some time.

As many of you who have diligently read and followed my blog are aware, I suffer with a long term illness. Last year I began to deteriorate rapidly, and to be honest it was touch and go. It started when I collapsed in the club bathroom at my own birthday night out, and I just haven't been able to bounce back since.

Everything has taken a backseat to my recovery. I dropped out of school, I started more and more drug therapies that did nothing but make me sicker, and of course I had to stop camming. I even pushed Beau away because I couldn't imagine why someone would want to stick around through all the hospital appointments, and the depressing sight of me reduced to sleeping on my bathroom floor.

I ran away from everything. I ran away from London and went back to my parents in the city I grew up in. I watched the city disappear behind me as quickly as my life had disappeared.

You never expect illness to dominate you, you never expect the bad flares, but the truth is when you live in remission, they are always waiting.

This blog has meant so much to me. To be able to connect with all these wonderful people, to hear all your stories and share in your successes has been a privilege and a joy. I love doing this and I wish I could do more, but the fact remains that I'm still a long way from remission and I'm not camming. I would feel like a fraud advising you when I'm not currently in the industry, because it's like a living organism, always growing and changing.

You can still email me, and check the blog for updates, but the posting will be sporadic, and I haven't been responding to emails due to my ill health. Even sitting at a computer has felt too much for me on days. But trust me when I say it's not all doom and gloom and I'm still alive and kicking and I'm not defeated yet.

And for those of you who are worried about Beau... don't be. I pushed him away, but he was having none of it. He and I are stronger than ever and I don't know what I would be doing right now without him. I could have faced my journey alone, but I'm so glad I didn't have to. Thank god he had a bit more faith than I did!

So this is just an update really to explain things. I also want to apologise to anyone who has emailed me and hasn't had a response. I read all my emails on my phone, its just hard to write them without getting to a computer. If you have a question regarding cam advice, do look through my advice list, and if it relates to me, take a look at the FAQ section. A lot of the emails I get have questions that I have already created entire posts about so please make sure to check through the advice section because you may well get the answer you are looking for.

Thanks for reading and supporting the blog my friends. Your passion and love has helped me through some of my darker moments. Please be blessed with wealth, health and happiness, and know I think of you often. And shake that booty for me until I'm back on my feet!

Much love