Tuesday, 17 May 2011

The Numbers Game...

I don't know why; it just works...

The beau and I are in that disgusting phase of our relationship where we are really starting to like one another. He spent the weekend at my place and we are speeding towards a real level of intimacy that I have only achieved once or twice previously. I feel very comfortable with him and there is nothing I feel I can't tell him aside from what I do as a living.

My career choice does feel like an albatross around my neck with this guy. He seems to be the kind of man who would react badly to this information. Over the weekend he visibly winced when I joked about one of my past sexual escapades. It was supposed to be a funny story, and every other lover I have told it to has laughed at it. Beau however, seemed distressed at the idea I wasn't some virginal novice but thankfully was too polite to say. Had he not been too polite to say I would not have been too polite to tell him to go fuck himself.

It's getting to that stage where I can tell he wants to know how many other men there have been, but not any of the details. He is far too reserved to ask yet and hes not great at using humour or fake anecdotes of "friends" to bring up difficult topics of conversation the way I tend to do. Maybe I'm strange but I couldn't care less about how many women he's been with and I don't care if I ever find out. I suppose the past is the past in my mind.

I mean how many is too many? For me I don't think there is such a thing as too many. My religious background used to make me think that one was the only acceptable number in the sacred union of marriage, but really in this day in age it's not an easy or realistic thing to strive for in my opinion and for a while I really did strive. I still believe in the bonds of marriage and monogamy and all that, but sexually I think one partner in marriage is naive and whats great on paper may not translate to the bedroom. You're a long time married if you follow Christianity seriously enough to wait till marriage so you really better hope it was worth the hype and strife!

My number is actually fairly low for my age I think, but then again my friend Cherry has been having sex for far longer due to my stint in the silver ring thing gang. But I will say it again that I don't think there can be too many partners for a woman or a man and I think often with women there is an unfair double standard. If I was a bloke, Beau would probably high five me for my conquests, but because I am a woman he seems to feel anxious and intimidated. My number could be higher than his, the other men could be bigger, better, harder, stronger... Whereas if I was all virginal then I would be non the wiser to my sexuality and believe me to do that it really is all about exploration and experience. This faux virginity is just another way to take power out of the hands of women and make the man feel more secure about himself. No one expects men to take several points of their actual number.

I get the impression that even one other man is too much for Beau. He has mentioned one other girl nervously, but he's wound up so tight sometimes it's hard to get inside his mind. I try to put him at ease but in this way we are chalk and cheese. I'm an open and curious person. My boundaries far outstretch his.Our intimacy and chemistry in bed is off the scales, and with that I think our physical intimacy outside of bed is incredible too. I am very territorial about personal space, and do not like mine invaded too often, but with him I don't mind so much.

We read the paper together, something that usually annoys me no matter how good the sex is. I let him spoon me too, another act that I usually ban. Again, I'm probably strange but when I want to sleep I like to star fish out all over the place so and another person wrapping themselves all over me has never been the bliss others have made it out to be. We just seem to click. We make breakfast together, we share drinks and food and personal space. I let him spend an entire weekend at my house and I didn't want to kill him once.

This really could be something special...

Before Beau I thought I was just an intolerant person, which I probably am, but not so much with him. He just hasn't annoyed me yet. Not to say he won't start to in the future. I am a realist not an optimist. I said before my standard are far too high, and I just like my own space far too much. I never had a sister growing up which I think contributes towards it. I always had my room how I liked it, somewhere to be alone because the space wasn't shared, and all of my personal belongings were solely mine. My brothers as far as I am aware never borrowed any of my "My Little Ponies" or party dresses.

I like the idea of sharing my space with someone, but really only someone who will let me have it mostly my way. I have space for their belongings, and tastes to some degree, but only if I can arrange it or tweak it to a format that I find acceptable. Man, I am one hefty dose of bitch! Hopefully the Beau likes strong women and doesn't mind being whipped, and I mean whipped in the "Go away and leave me to read my book on my own!" sense. He can see his friends or anyone at any time his likes, and when he is home I will always be glad to see him. But if I am watching 30 Rock and he keeps trying to talk to me then so help him God he will be in the dog house with no dinner.

I'm not asking for too much am I? With my current job its a good thing he and I don't have a shared space. It wouldn't stay a secret for very long if that was the case. I think my loud moans and groans combined with the buzz of a vibrator and creaks of the bed would have him breaking down the door...

May your day be filled with orgasms!

Love

London

x

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