Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Telling my friends...
I have been modelling for about a month now and literally almost no one has known. I have told two people in my life who I trusted not to judge me and they have been an invaluable source of support to me. It has been hard to imagine discussing this with most of my friends who went on to university and are now graduates starting out on the path towards getting their dream job. I have visions of their faces crumpling with disappointment and disgust. I see their brows furrowing in judgment in my minds eye and so I felt my best option was to keep my actions secret for as long as possible. Most of my friends probably wouldn't believe I am doing this anyway!
The thing is that I love the people who are close to me in my life dearly and it has been hard living a double life. I don't want a wedge to grow between me and my closest friends and really if they cannot accept my decision to do this, are they truly my friends? I chose the word accept because that is all I wish for them to do, accept my choice without judgement. I don't need them to be thrilled or even agree with it, but I want them to accept that it is my choice as an adult, and for them to continue treating me as they did before.
Slowly I am telling them. I told one of my friends tonight and she was incredibly supportive. I'm glad because I respect her and all the people I am choosing to tell now and their opinions do matter to me. I admire their commitment to their goals and careers and I would be sad if they couldn't see past what is essentially just another job. Maybe I feel this way because I know deep down if my circumstances had different and I was in their position I probably wouldn't have judged myself so kindly. I think it is very easy to be a snob about these sorts of things when you have a narrow mind from little life experience.
Fortunately my friends are wonderful people and I was silly to think they would be anything other than kind. I could continue to hide my job from them, and from many people I will, but for those closest to me I have decided to broach the subject gently and begin to let them know. I think it will enable me to keep myself healthy in my attitude and emotions and keep me free from the burden of hiding things from my best friends.
I'm so glad I'm friends with a bunch of liberal lefties!
I think if you are planning on doing this job in secret it would be a good idea to confide in at least one person you trust, or join a camgirl forum, or even vent here in the comments section just so you aren't carrying your secret totally alone. In my opinion it is healthy to share things with others and to be heard so you can get a bit of support or get things off your chest. I say this in nearly every post, but your emotional well being should be your primary concern regardless of money. You must value yourself to stay sane in this culture. Although saying all this choose who you tell carefully as once it's out there you can't take it back.
My friend did say "Wow that was totally not what I expected you to tell me tonight..." then we high fived because we are awesome. So in summary telling some people has not been a bad experience, but telling others... that is a whole other post.