Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Negative reactions...



I posted yesterday a piece about the positive experience I had with one of my friends recently when I finally decided to come out and tell them that I am working as a webcam model. She was incredibly supportive, but I was tentative in opening up because my experiences with other people even just jokingly broaching the subject have been met with quite a bit of hostility. As I want to share all aspects of my experiences on this blog I think its only right I give a bit of information on how I have handled the people who have been less than impressed with my decision.

I have two truly close friends in my life. I never had sisters myself, but I consider these girls to be like my sisters and I have always shared everything with them. When I decided I was going to be a webcam model and filled in the application forms, the idea of keeping this a secret from them was not appealing. I had a feeling they would be quite disappointed in me, but I hoped that our bond would be enough for them to overcome their initial prejudices and look a bit deeper and try to understand my reasons for choosing this path and see it is a perfectly legitimate profession.

I decided to start with my oldest friend "Cherry". I was least worried about telling her knowing she is mature and open minded and so even if she doesn't agree with me, she normally accepts my decisions without forcing her own opinions down my throat. Being my closest friend since childhood, growing up together, watching each other go through life changing events I could see she was truly shocked when I told her. Her initial reaction was one of fear. She asked a lot of questions, stated she thought I needed to rethink my decision to model, and she wasn't convinced it was a good idea. We parted on okay terms, but with her decidedly against webcam modelling. I didn't see her coming round to the idea any time soon.

My other friend "Mia" was even less happy. I didn't even tell her I had decided to do it and she went absolutely crazy at me. I mentioned that since things had been getting pretty dire at home and I needed a way to earn money I had been looking at my online options. I then said webcam modelling looked like a good way to make some money and I had researched a few sites and was thinking it over. She completely snapped and said it was immoral, I was wrong to even consider it, that it was beneath me and I should be going back to my education or finding something reputable that I can manage. I joked that "It's easy for you to have morals and principles when you can afford them. Some of us don't have that luxury." It made her laugh as she knows she's got a bit of a silver spoon in her mouth situation going on, but in the end she was so against it I lied to her and said I wouldn't do it.

I don't like lying to my friends, but I am glad that with Mia I approached the subject as though I was just looking into it. Knowing her as I do, she is very opinionated and as much as I admire it, if she disagrees with me we are actually related and she will inform my family members. When she thinks she is right and knows best she will not just leave me to decide for myself even though it shouldn't be her decision. Because of her reaction I have decided to keep my job from her and now she cannot be involved in what has become a significant part of my life and I'm still not sure how to manage that. I suppose I just have to wait it out and hope I have the wisdom to know how to tackle our relationship and manage this secret.

In light of what has happened with Mia, I'm very glad that Cherry did not actually hold on to her negative views of the industry. When she realised I was serious and began to understand my reasons for doing this, she actually became one of my staunchest supporters, offering me advice and encouragement when needed. I really couldn't ask for a better friend.

I think although Cherry's initial reaction wasn't so positive, she was entitled to her reaction and actually showed herself to be a real friend by taking the time to evaluate my situation and understand the job. I think it actually has brought us closer because we were both honest, and disagreed without it becoming an issue. Mia on the other hand I am still not 100% sure about. I hate lying to her but I don't feel I can risk her telling my family about my cam modelling.

What do you guys think? Do you model in secret? Do your friends know? How did they react and did it change your relationship? These are my experiences, I would love to know yours!

Love London

x

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2 comments:

  1. I admire that you came out and told a couple of people of what you. It's not always easy to tell someone of what your profession whether it be a burlesque performer, stripper or an all night massage parlor. No one knows what I do other than my bf. I don't know if I'd ever reach a point where I'd tell my closest friend about it but to me, by the end of the day, I'm only doing what I gotta do to support my family.

    I truly enjoy reading your blog as it sounds as if you have a really good head on your shoulders, which I'm sure you do! :) Being a web cam model is a lot of work. Sometimes I even feel "dirty" while I'm on cam but I brush if off by the end of my shift and say to myself, "I know who I am and I love myself regardless of what I do"

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  2. Thank you! I have similar feelings on cam and sometimes I will feel dirty, normally if it is a grotesque request, I'm sure you know what I mean. Just the stuff you wish wasnt out there, but is!

    I think I share your attitude of loving yourself regardless of what you are doing, and knowing that actually it is your inner strength and identity that allows you to continue in what can be a very tough job. I think its a great trait to develop and definitely something to be proud of so props to you :)

    I agree completely in that you just have to brush it off and keep it strictly business because at the end of the day who they see on cam isnt the person I am when I log off.

    x

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