Thursday, 21 April 2011

But my heart belongs to daddy...

Why do so many men seem to idolise the concept of their very own Lolita?

I am thinking more and more about the morality of what I do as a camgirl and how some of the customer requests align with my personal feelings. I have a strong feminist background, and I still hold many of my feminist views regardless of what my job may entail. I do not agree with rape or sexual violence without consent. I do not agree with pedophilia, racism, incest or bestiality, yet as models we are encouraged by our agencies to sell our customers a fantasy and turn our no into a yes wherever possible.

My most common request is to become an underage girl for my customers. They want me to call them Daddy and pretend to be their daughters in most of the role play situations. It's all very Lolita. Sometimes I find it easy enough to call them daddy and imagine they are seeing me as an adult female, but more and more the ages they are asking me to play are getting younger and younger. As I have said before I disagree with pedophilia but I know for most of the men they get off on the taboo nature of the role play. They know I am of age and I'm in my twenties, and my bust and hips are far too curvy for me to look childlike. If they wanted someone who actually had a childlike body they would not be coming to me.

The issue that came up this week was that I was asked to play a 9 year old girl and I found it quite disturbing. The guy had been messaging me for about a week to build up a rapport and request a costume, which I was okay with. He wanted the whole white knee socks, pigtails shtick. It wasn't until we actually got into the room though that he said he wanted me to play a 9 year old and I found that very difficult because I know children of that age and it made it that much more real. I think to do this job you have to accept you will be working with fantasies you don't always find pleasant, because sticking to your morals on every occasion will mean you lose an awful lot of business and therefore money, but sometimes it is still a real dilemma. I suppose it is also easy to perform when you tell yourself, each to their own, who I am to judge what is purely fantasy?

I'm still getting to grips with the idea of just letting their fantasies wash over me. You need a Teflon coating to do this, you can't let it stick to you. I have been trying to see myself as a sketch book during shows. I am not myself, I am a blank sheet until the customer paints their picture, and once it is over, I screw it up and toss it away because it is of no value to me. I don't want to become dissociative with my work, because of course I am still present, but I find for the sick stuff it is better to protect yourself from it. I still enjoy the normal work. I actually enjoy performing for the men who want me to be myself and see a woman enjoy her body. If I get talking to a lonely guy on my channel who takes me private I always try to make him feel extra special because these are the people I can connect with and want to provide a good service for.

What do you think? Are their any requests you get that you can't stand? I have too many to even list and will probably post others at a later date! How do you cope with the part of the job you dislike? Do you stick to your morals or have you been surprised at what you are willing to do for a private session? Being a camgirl has taught me a lot about myself that's for sure!

Love London

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